


Free-falling

by Spinelli



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-15 05:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3435797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spinelli/pseuds/Spinelli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on both Sydney and Maggie’s POV since their first kiss.<br/>[Contains spoilers from 3x08 until 3x18] - Chapter 8 is now post-finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eps 3x08 and 3x09

Maggie smiled back at Dr. Katz as she made the ‘obstetrics isn't for babies’ joke. The woman had a sense of humor after all, who would've thought?  
When she first entered the on-call room a couple of minutes ago, Maggie was ready for a full-on argument with her new boss but was pleasantly surprised when the doctor complimented her work and eventually acknowledged she overreacted with the e-mail thing.  
Working with the young, brilliant doctor might turn out to be quite a good experience after all, Maggie thought, suddenly realizing that the person in question was still staring at her with a curious look in her eyes and dangerously occupying her personal space.  
Trying her best to ignore the unexpected tension hanging in the air, Maggie said:

“It was a good day. “ 

The attempt of small talk was immediately shut down by the other doctor’s dive for a kiss. Despite being surprised at the action, Maggie’s first instinct was to welcome the soft lips, but the second she touched Dr. Katz’s face, she was left with her hand hanging in the air.

_What?_ \- Maggie crossed her arms again.  
She stood there alone with a confused look on her face. 

_Where the hell did that come from?_  
The young doctor bit her lip, still leaning against the bunk bed’s structure with her eyebrows knitted together.  
Maggie found herself replaying the kiss in her head countless times that day.

\---

Dr. Sydney Katz was in big trouble.  
She hadn’t planned to kiss Dr. Lin, but there she was, feeling drawn towards the taller doctor and interrupting her mid-sentence. She couldn’t help it; Hershel never got her jokes. His smile never made her feel the way Maggie’s did just a few seconds earlier.  
The reckless action was compensated by Maggie’s soft hand cradling Sydney’s face though.  
That tender gesture was even more unexpected than the kiss itself; Sydney backed off before losing the little control she still had over her actions and dashed away without a word, not quite believing in what had just happened.  
 _Holy crap, did she kiss me back?_  
Dr. Sydney Katz was in big, _deep_ trouble.  
She was also practically engaged.

\---

“I saved the date.” Maggie stated, her voice charged with irony.  
She had spotted Katz getting ready to leave and decided to ambush her in the Hospital’s main staircase before she left for the day.  
After the initial shock of knowing about the engagement, Maggie decided there was a certain thing that still needed to be addressed and hell if she’d just let Sydney get away with it. 

The Jewish doctor cursed mentally.  
Of all the people working in the hospital, she had to end up kissing the very one who wouldn’t let the damn thing go.  
She started blabbering as she met the taller doctor at the staircase platform.

“Kissed me? The kiss. We kissed.” Maggie interrupted her, cutting right through the chase.

The blunt interruption messed with Sydney’s perfectly rehearsed excuse, leaving her merciless under Maggie’s scrutiny. 

“It was nothing!” She said, knowing perfectly well that wouldn’t be enough to close the discussion. 

Maggie was prepared for that reaction; after all, Sydney had practically shoved her engagement down her throat in full heterosexual mode.  
Trying her best to keep the tone casual, Maggie asked:

“I’m not saying it was something…but…it wasn't nothing. Why did you do it?” 

_Okay Syd, cool it. You’re an accomplished doctor; you can give a perfectly constructed response._

“Maybe…I was…bored…” She lamely answered instead.

“So I should be flattered?” Teased Maggie, suddenly finding her boss’s nervousness amusing and somewhat adorable. 

“Oh Dr. Lin get over yourself. Just forget it ever happened.” Sydney snapped back, partially thankful for Maggie’s cocky attitude; it gave her enough fuel to fight back and an excuse out of the conversation. She resumed her walk down the stairs. 

“Is that what you’re doing?” Insisted Maggie, definitely not wanting to let the subject drop now that she had fully realized the kiss actually meant something – why else would the usually no-nonsense doctor get so flustered? - “You’re marrying a guy you hardly know!”

That caused a sudden reaction on the shorter woman. Ignoring all the passers-by that could very well be listening to the conversation, she came back up and poured out all the reasons on why she was getting married the way she was. From Maggie’s point of view, those reasons screamed: I’m stuck and I have no better option. And it seemed that Katz had sadly surrendered to that.

“But do you love him?” Maggie couldn’t help but ask, trying to remind Sydney that there was a way more relevant reason that she seemed to be ignoring. 

Dr. Katz, however, didn’t answer this time, not even stopping in her tracks - only further proving Maggie’s point. The brunette let out a small laugh and made her way back upstairs. 

Maggie couldn’t believe it; Katz really was serious about getting married even though it was clear she was forcibly trying to convince herself it was a good thing when it really wasn’t.  
She could only assume that maybe, coming out as a lesbian in her community or just not marrying at all could make Sydney’s life miserable as an Orthodox Jew. The doctor didn’t know much about their values and traditions but judging from Sydney’s small speech, it seemed like marriage played one of the most important roles in the community.  
Katz was an independent, intelligent woman – but could she be happy by not doing what was expected of her? Apparently not. 

Maggie sighed, feeling sorry for Dr. Katz’s situation.  
Maybe she had pushed it too far. She’d have to dial it down from now on; even if it’d mean she’d have to ignore the obvious attraction they seemed to share.

_How did it come to that though?_

Maybe it was the spontaneity of the kiss that had pleased Maggie. Apparently she liked that kind of ‘in the spur of the moment’ stuff.  
That, and also Sydney’s adamant personality and passion for her job; and the way she looked back at Maggie with a no-nonsense professional stare every time she said something silly during their rounds. Boy, did she enjoy provoking that expression on Dr. Katz’s face whenever she got the chance.  
The hospital's busy noises were muted down by the amount of conflicting thoughts Maggie was having. She walked through the crowded corridors in automatic mode, analyzing the situation she found herself in.  
She’d never imagined she’d get hung up on a woman, but that wasn't the fact that was bothering her. What bothered her was that Sydney preferred to marry a man she barely knew instead of admitting she was attracted to women, and therefore surrendering to a personal life based up on lies.  
There was nothing Maggie could do now though, besides trying her best to respect Sydney’s choice and, apparently, do something about her hair.

_There._  
Getting over it.  
Are you happy now, Dr. Katz? 


	2. Ep 3x10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one before, before I post the lengthier chapter regarding ep 3x14.

Just when Maggie thought she had figured things out – that Katz wanted to keep things professional – she has a crappy day and Sydney shows up offering her a hug.  
Honestly with all she’d been through that day, Maggie could use one. She really did. But the last person she expected to give her a hug was Dr. Katz. 

_Sure…let’s kiss, avoid the subject all together, keep it professional, but hug it out like nothing ever happened_ \- Maggie thinks, as she throws a frustrated ‘why?’ at Sydney’s offer.

The shorter woman insisted on it, though, and so Maggie obliged, all tensed up from the stress.

“Why are you so stiff?” Sydney asked.

“Oh my god, apparently I’m a bad hugger.” Maggie let out, not even trying to hide her frustration now. 

Maybe she was lashing out on Sydney but her temper was not the best today and she was not up to play pretend. 

“You don’t think I’m gonna kiss you again, do you?” Katz asked, nudging the elephant in the room.

“Are you??” Maggie asked back, the tone in her voice more aggressive than originally intended. 

Katz didn’t answer and deflected with a simple and yet somewhat suggestive:

“Goodnight, Dr. Lin”

Maggie watched Katz go away, trying to figure her out. She unconsciously gave up, getting distracted by the shorter doctor’s retreating form.

_Stop checking her out, Maggie. She’s getting married in two weeks._

Instead of going to the on-call room for a nap she knew was not going to happen easily now, she opted to go see if Dr. Dey was still in his office. He was the only person right now that could momentarily distract her from the unwanted wanderings of her mind.

\---

Sydney just really wanted to be there for Maggie after a hard day.   
She thought her hug offer would come off as a friendly gesture and would help bury the kiss incident a few more inches, but she was wrong – it only brought the subject more into the surface.  
 _Is she still hung up on it?_ Somehow Sydney couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

She said goodnight and dashed away, leaving yet again a very confused doctor behind.

_What are you doing? Why do you care if Maggie is still hung up on the kiss?  
YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED._

The fact was, Sydney’s engagement would’ve been way easier if she’d never met Maggie.   
Oh, she knew she liked women. For a long time now, actually. But it has been categorized as ‘not an option’ for her for years, given her religion.   
But having Maggie occupying her mind constantly made everything way more difficult, really, if only she wasn’t around so much, Sydney could deal with the whole wedding thing more smoothly.   
Katz let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. She just had to focus on her work and on the wedding plans and everything would be fine.

That plan actually seemed to work for a few days, reducing Sydney and Maggie’s relationship to a purely professional state with some underlying tension thrown in, that they both learned to deal with by just further ignoring it. 

But then Neshama checked in at the hospital and everything crumbled to pieces.


	3. Ep 3x14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long - never believe my update promises. I rarely come through with them.

Maggie’s eyes were starting to water.  
_Get a hold of yourself._  
She was supposed to be there for Sydney, and crying was not going to help. 

It still hurt, however, when Sydney had said that her issues were not about the kiss they had shared – that it was not about her.  
Maggie knew Sydney had worse things to worry about than a fleeting kiss on the call room, so she told herself to suck it up and focus on the real matter: that Sydney had a chance to be happy and that chance would be crushed the moment she married Hershel. 

“Neshama’s happy.” Maggie said, hoping that helped Sydney feel slightly less guilty for having ousted her friend when they were teenagers. She was happy now and that’s what should matter the most.

However, Katz might’ve had enough for the day. She made her way out of the room without a word after what Maggie said. There really wasn't much to add anyway.  
Sydney knew Maggie was right. Neshama was happy. But Sydney didn’t have the strength to put aside everything she grew accustomed to. Not after all this time.  
It’d be like throwing herself from a plane without a parachute. No safety net, nothing to tell you there’d be a chance of surviving. Free-falling: It sounded terrifying, especially for someone like Sydney, who was used to being in control.

\---

After finishing up for the day, Sydney had a clearer head.  
She couldn’t put aside all of her beliefs and just show the middle finger to her whole education and religion at once. No, she had to go through with her wedding and be done with it.  
Firstly though, she decided, she should come clean with Maggie. The young doctor had been there for her when she needed someone the most, and Sydney might’ve been too harsh on her, _again._  
No, she’d make things right. She would at least be truthful with Maggie.

 _I hope she’s still around._  
Sydney thought, her surgeon cap in her hand, almost forgotten. If Maggie had already left for the day, no way in hell Sydney would find the courage to do what she was about to do, tomorrow. It had to be now.

\---

She eventually found Maggie the first place she started searching for her – the call-room.  
Finally noticing she was still holding her surgeon cap, Sydney laughed bitterly to herself and threw it to the bunk bed where Maggie was laying down.  
Sydney detected a hint of amusement in Maggie’s eyes as she rose from the bed. 

_Good, she got it._ – Sydney thought, somehow feeding off Maggie’s positive attitude to gather up the courage to say the words she’d never uttered out loud before:

“I like girls. There. I said it.” 

Maggie still had a hint of a smile on her face that soon started to dissipate as Sydney found herself leaning closer to her.  
Maggie automatically leaned down and their lips met halfway.

 _I’m just proving my point._ – Sydney lied to herself, as her hands cupped Maggie’s face.  
_Ok, so we’re doing this again?_ – Maggie thought, surprised by the intensity of the kiss. 

She sensed something cold bumping against the top of her nose but ignored it, the urge to pull Sydney closer to her more urgent at the moment. Her hands went downwards to Sydney’s waist and deftly went below her shirt, only to be guided outside of it again by Sydney’s bossy left hand. By the gasp Maggie could swear she heard as she touched Sydney’s skin just a few seconds ago, she presumed being touched that intimately was not something Sydney experienced every day.

 _Fine. ¬–_ Thought Maggie – _Baby steps._

She could live by only kissing Sydney for a long, long time, she decided. She was an amazing kisser.  
But before she could entertain that thought for a little while longer, Sydney was pulling back.  
This time, however, Maggie didn't let her go. She kept her hands firmly on Sydney’s waist, demanding her to face her.  
Sydney gently placed her hands on Maggie’s shoulders, refusing to look at her.

“Syd, it’s okay.” – Maggie said, using one of her hands to cup Sydney’s cheek and bring her gaze up to her eye level. Her thumb caressed her pale skin.

“I really need to go.” – Sydney said, barely able to contain her emotions. Why did Maggie have to be so…Maggie? She needed to go away before she said something she might regret. The last thing she needed was to let Maggie know she liked her more than she should. 

Maggie didn’t want to let her go though. She knew what would happen: Sydney would keep on with her wedding and pretend that yet again their kiss meant nothing.  
But she didn’t want to force anything out of Sydney. That wasn’t the healthy way to do it. Besides, she could be miscalculating things. Syd could very possibly just be attracted to her, and since she was vulnerable because of the recent events, she delivered most of herself on that kiss.  
Maybe it was only Maggie who had real feelings to face. She sighed and nodded, relinquishing the warmth Sydney had been giving her for the past few minutes.

The shorter doctor did not leave without placing a chaste kiss on Maggie's right cheek.

Smiling at the gesture, Maggie went back to her napping position, closed her eyes, and once again, found herself replaying a kiss on her head.  
Only half an hour later she recognized that the cold feeling she felt as she was kissing Sydney was the metallic rim of her glasses.


	4. Ep 3x15

_Boy was it weird in the elevator._

Maggie thought, sitting by herself at the cafeteria. These random alone times were not doing her any good, because if she wasn’t distracted by her work or by her colleagues, her thoughts always wondered back to Sydney.  
Apparently she was correct when she assumed Sydney would gloss over the kiss again and not talk about it.   
Maybe it was partially Maggie’s fault. She never really confronted Sydney about her feelings for her, just about her feelings in general, to women. And maybe that laid back attitude was sending the wrong vibes to Sydney – that she was just being a friend to Sydney and going with the flow.

_Friends don’t try to sneak their hands beneath the other friend’s shirts though._  
Well, Sydney seemed resolute to ignore or even consider whatever was going on between them, so, once again, it was time to try and get over it.  
Especially since the wedding was still on, and Sydney had just offered her a rejected engagement gift for some Crab Shack dinner. If Sydney had invited her to come with her, well, that’d be a whole different story. But just giving it away like – shush, go have fun without me because we mean nothing to each other -, well, that was not a nice feeling.  
So Maggie rejected the already rejected gift and hoped for Sydney to understand why. Though lying and saying she was kind of allergic to shellfish was not the brightest way to let Sydney know she did not enjoy the cold dismissal. 

\---

_Sort of? How can someone be sort of allergic to something?_  
To be fair, Sydney used the gift as a weapon to break some ice between them. She was afraid things would get weird if they were alone after their second kiss and was glad she had that gift as a backup.   
What she was not expecting, though, was for Maggie to decline it in such a weird way. She could get over the joke of it being a dismissal kind of gift (at least that’s what she thought it was, a joke, since Maggie was quite lively during the whole exchange) – but the ‘sort of allergic’ excuse seemed out of place. Unless that joke was meant to actually be a serious comment but ended up being dialed down to a funny remark. But that was entering risky territory - the wedding was too dangerously close to go back to those wanderings again.

\---

“So, a friend gave me this gift certificate…” – Dey started saying, after congratulating Maggie on her great ‘detective work’ relating to a patient’s case.  
Maggie recognized the blue envelope right away. 

_Oh you’ve got to be kidding me._

“…And I’m wondering if you’d like to go.” – He finished.

_Dr. Dey is the kind of attractive that is highly distracting and honestly that’s all I need right now._

So, in the end, after some shameless flirting, Maggie accepted to go. 

_Simple, fun, uncomplicated date? I’ll take it._  
She found herself googling the place later that afternoon, just to know in which part of town it was. She noticed a small colorful picture that said they had a Kosher salad bar.   
If Maggie had accepted the gift herself and came across that information, she’d give the certificate back or even invite Sydney along but now it was too late to even consider it.  
She clicked on the image link though, and mindlessly scrolled through the gallery of pictures it sent her to.

\---

Sydney was leaving for the day when she recognized Maggie’s voice coming from behind her. She looked back at the stairs and spotted her descending them in the company of Dr. Dey.  
She formally greeted them, waving goodbye, not stopping on her way to the exit.   
But Dr. Dey called her back to thank her for the gift certificate. Sydney turned on her heels and quickly scanned the situation. They were going together as a date to the sea-food restaurant. A sudden feeling of tightness engulfed Sydney’s heart.   
She wasn’t sure if she was mad because Maggie lied to her about the seafood allergy, or if it was because she was going with a handsome doctor.   
She opted for the first one, for her own sake, and said:

“Enjoy your dinner.” 

Maggie detected the disappointment in Sydney’s voice and eyes right away, and felt immediate regret at her actions. The look on Sydney’s face was heartbreaking and she hated she was the cause of that.   
“Hey, you should come with us.” – She said before thinking clearly. She sent a quick ‘Sorry’ look at Dr. Dey before turning back to Sydney and wait for her response. “I hear they have a kosher salad bar.”   
Katz knew the invitation was Maggie’s way of apologizing for the lie, and was more inclined to say no and let them have their obvious date. But she eyed Dr. Dey up and down and something came over her. 

_You’re just a toy. I can take you on any day._

“Okay.” – Sydney agreed.  
Maggie sighed in relief and let Dey and Sydney take the lead. She then proceeded to chastise herself for putting them in this situation in the first place. How was she supposed to deal with both of them during a whole dinner?

_Just stick to work conversation and it’ll be safe._  
She crossed her fingers and let the cold air outside brush away all of her worries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. I know it's taking a long time to reach AU territory (after I cover Hershel's hospital 'visit' and the finale episode moment) but it'll be worth it, it'll have way more dialogue, for instance :p


	5. Between ep 3x15 and ep 3x17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like there was an important interaction missing between these two episodes, so I entered AU territory before planned.  
> Next chapters will still be canon compliant though, at least until the finale.  
> (I'm sorry it's so short, but I'll make up for it on the next ones).

The dinner at Crab Shack went surprisingly smooth. As Maggie had planned, they mostly talked about work and ended up exchanging the most weird-ass cases each one of them had come across their work life. Dr. Dey had a lot of good ones up his sleeve so he was the real entertainer of the night. 

Maggie sometimes felt Sydney’s eyes on her whenever Dey was talking and she was laughing along, as if Katz was trying to decipher something. At some point in the night she had started to talk less and less, only contributing to the conversation when something was directly asked to her. Maggie assumed she was just getting tired.

Before desert time Sydney excused herself to go to the bathroom.

“So…” Dey started, his eyes demanding an explanation for the sudden change of events.

“I’m sorry…It’s a long story; I swear I’ll explain it to you someday. But I actually really need to go to the bathroom too. Be right back.” She said with a pleading look on her face, suddenly realizing this was her only chance to ask if Sydney was okay. Something told her it was not just tiredness, because the look she had in her eyes as she rose from the table was very similar to the one she had when Dey had thanked her for the gift.

Maggie found Katz washing her hands. She had a somber look as she faced Maggie.

“I really have to go through with the wedding, Maggie.” She said, unexpectedly addressing the unspoken conflict.

“I respect that.” Maggie said calmly, though she was anything but. 

She wanted to shake Sydney and tell her it was a wrong decision, but from the way Syd had talked just now, she knew what she was getting into. This was her way to say she has made her final decision with full understanding of what it meant. At least she was not in denial anymore. She had just resolved to put her religion and family first, instead of herself. Maggie couldn’t argue with that anymore.

“You have no idea how thankful I am for your support.” She hesitated on the last word, but she meant every single one of them.

Maggie swallowed hard. The way Sydney was looking at her was killing her.  
Maggie broke their eye contact and cleared her throat before saying:

“Hey, that’s what friends are for, right?” She asked as she slowly invaded Sydney’s personal space.  
Maggie forced herself to face Sydney. The red-head doctor gave her a sad smile.

“Do you want a bad hug? I hear I’m good at those.” Maggie offered, already embracing the shorter woman in her arms. Katz let out a laugh and hugged her back, lingering a bit longer than necessary.

"I think you're getting better at it." She finally said, breaking their contact and making her way out of the bathroom.


	6. 3x17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far. Enjoy :)

“I’m Doctor Maggie Lin.” – She introduced herself to Hershel.

“You’re Maggie? You’re Maggie m…You’re THE Maggie!” Hershel said as excitedly as an 11 year old upon getting his first Nintendo.

_Whoa there._

“T-The one and only, yeah.” Maggie admitted, incredibly amused by Hershel’s excitement upon meeting her. If he knew her tongue had been inside her fiancée’s mouth he wouldn’t be as ecstatic, that’s for sure.

_Okay Maggie, focus._

She tried to examine him but failed. She had to remind herself she couldn’t touch him because she was a woman.

“I think I’m dying.” He eventually said.  
Maggie tried to give him a sympathetic look but might’ve failed. She tries to take every patient seriously but most of the people that say that sentence are usually overreacting.  
This was going to be a fun day.

\---

As Maggie struggled with finding a free colleague to chaperone Hershel’s diagnosis, she didn’t give much thought about him being overly happy to meet her. She found it normal for Sydney to share work stuff with her fiancée, and Maggie did spend a lot of time with her at the hospital. It made sense for him to be happy to finally meet one of her co-workers. 

_Right?_

But then, 15 minutes later, as Maggie finally found someone to help her out with Hershel, things got weird.

“It’s just-Sydney says you get your back up easily, especially around men.” 

_Say what now?_

“She said that?” She asked, a smile naturally appearing on her face but deep down the prominent feeling was of surprise.  
That was an oddly specific thing to tell your fiancée.  
Maggie had assumed Sydney had talked about her to Hershel when it came to work related stuff, and not specific traits of her personality.

“Oh yeah. Favorite Maggie story is when you two first met and you thought she was a-“ 

Maggie had to ask:

“I don’t think you guys were even dating then were you?”

“Yeah but I hear it all!” He said.

Maggie had a full-on forced smile on her face now. 

_What is going on?_

“You’re suspicious of online shopping; you put butter on meat sandwiches…” He keeps talking.

“No, really, Dr. Lin?” Asked the other doctor with mockery in his voice.

Maggie threw him a “what’s wrong with that?” look and focused on Hershel again.  
She was intrigued.

“…you show promise with your patients but impatience with your studies…”

_She got me there._

“…Well, anyway, I’m sure she goes on about me too right?” Hershel asked.

“Yes!!! And how…” Maggie blatantly lied.

_Oh boy._

“Yeah, Sydney was right. Your nose kind of…twitch when you’re fibbing.” He added.

“This dude could write a book about you Dr. Lin.” The doctor stated, further proving that something did not quite fit here.

_Oh-kay, I need to talk to Sydney._

Katz was not only interested in women but apparently somehow invested in Maggie. 

_She had to, right?_

Why else would she memorize all that stuff about her?  
Maggie was feeling conflicted. At one hand she was touched and incredibly enamored with the idea of Sydney knowing all these little things about her. But on the other hand, she felt hopeless.  
They had just barely established they were friends and the wedding was going forth in a week.  
She remembered Sydney’s statement at the seafood restaurant’s bathroom, and how final it had sounded.  
And now, there was her fiancée, rambling about Maggie’s habits.  
And to complicate things even further, he was probably ill.

_Let’s focus on that instead, Maggie._  
…  
Does my nose really twitch when I lie, though? 

\----

After collecting Hershel’s blood, Maggie set out to find Sydney.  
She eventually found her leaning against one of the reception desks, fully concentrated on her iPad.  
Maggie extended her hand in order to grab Syd’s arm and begun dragging her along to the corridor where Hershel’s room was.  
She ignored Sydney’s “Hey!”, too distracted by her conflicting thoughts. She desperately needed to confront Sydney but her fiancée’s health came first.

“What is going on Maggie?” She asked, not really trying to get out of Maggie’s grasp.

The taller doctor did eventually let go of her arm as she realized it wouldn’t look good if Sydney was being manhandled by an inferior, and so she spoke:

“I need to talk to you.”

Sydney braced herself, it sounded serious.  
Maggie proceeded to explain that Hershel was admitted in the Hospital and being subjected to a CT scan right now. She made sure to say they hadn’t come across anything concerning so far but Sydney was not listening, and their conversation was cut short. Maggie had hoped to talk to her about how Hershel knew so much about herself, but this was clearly not the time for it.

\----

“I’m going to be with my fiancée.” Sydney said, resolute to give Hershel all of the support he needed right now. If it was indeed cancer, she needed to try and prepare him for the worst.  
Maggie acquiesced.  
In the midst of her sadness and sympathy for Sydney, she couldn’t help but admire her commitment. She made a choice and was fully invested in it.  
_If she is this passionate on a relationship where there’s no attraction, I wonder how she’d be with-_  
Maggie closed her eyes and let out a big sigh, pushing her thoughts of their second kiss away.  
If only they had met under different circumstances.

\----

“It’s gonna hurt, Hershel.” Sydney said, not trying to sugarcoat the biopsy procedure.

“My fiancée is an honest person, I appreciate that.” He said with a laugh.

Maggie accompanied his laugh with a smile, while Sydney, on the other hand, lowered her head, knowing full well she’s been anything but honest with him lately.  
Hershel proceeded to say he hadn’t been honest and politely asked Maggie to leave, ignoring Sydney’s confused protests.  
Maggie left the room but didn’t go very far. She leaned on the outside wall of his room, trying to mute out the voices coming from the inside and focusing on the busy nurses passing by her.

“I ate pork.” Hershel confessed.

Sydney tried her best to stay serious. Maggie bit her lip.

_Shit, I can hear them._

“You ate pork.” Sydney repeated. Maggie not only could her them, but also detect the no-nonsense tone in Sydney’s voice.

_Who’s the one noticing the small details now, Maggie?_

“The Brussels Sprouts were made with bacon.” Hershel said, incredibly nervous.

Outside of the room, Maggie rolled her eyes. Inside, Sydney actually smiled.

 _That is not worthy of a confession. You silly goof…_ Sydney thought.

“Then I went back.” He added, preparing for the storm.

“You WHAT?” Now Sydney was getting mad. One thing was making a mistake; the other was doing it on purpose. Ignoring their beliefs on purpose! 

“…it felt good to be bad.” – He finished, getting Sydney’s attention again.

After expressing her disappointment at him, she stormed out, passing through Maggie without noticing her.

 _Holy crap, it was just bacon, Sydney._ Maggie thought, deciding it was best to just let her cool off.

\----

“You were a little hard on him.” Maggie commented later, after letting Syd know about the biopsy results.

“He broke kosher law, Maggie.” Sydney stated as if he had just committed a crime.

“I just mean…considering…” Maggie hinted, hoping Katz would get it.

“Considering? He broke his sacred covenant with God.” 

“Maybe you’re projecting?” Maggie finally said, bracing herself.

“HE ATE BACON, MAGGIE!” Sydney snapped.

_Holy crap, bacon is a real a no-no, I get it._

“I-just-mean…maybe you were looking for an out.” Maggie continued, trying not to lose the real point of the conversation.

Sydney paused.

“I never said I wanted an out.” She said more calmly now, adjusting her posture into defensive mode.

“You don’t have to; it doesn’t mean the truth isn’t eating away your insides.” Maggie softly said, immediately having an epiphany and storming to Hershel’s room with Sydney in tow.

 _We’ll talk about this later._ Maggie decided. 

\----

After figuring what was really wrong with Hershel, Sydney took the opportunity to clear her head. She found the isolation she needed on the call-room.

_Was I looking for an out?_

The thought of Hershel actually doing something tremendously bad according to their religion would give her enough reason to step away from the engagement.  
But then she’d have two options: wait years for another miracle man to appear and want to marry her, or live to be lonely and rejected by her community for pursuing a career instead of a husband.  
That generated turmoil in her chest. Things were so unfair. Hershel purposely ate bacon, knowingly breaking kosher law, asking for forgiveness. And all Sydney has done was being born gay, and was doomed for a life of complete misery in her community. She ended up crying for 10 minutes before gathering herself and getting out of the room, the sudden light of the hospital corridor’s shocking her.  
On her way to the room where Hershel’s was spending the night, she remembered him saying she was an honest person, only to end up confessing himself.  
She had to come clean...but could she do it?

\----

“Hum. You know you were right about her, she’s something else.” Hershel said, as he and Sydney were talking about the procedure he went through with Maggie.

Sydney had been trying to get it together but that one sentence broke her.

_She really is._

Sydney fidgeted with her engagement ring. With an almost inhuman effort, she finally managed to mutter the so dreaded words:

“Hershel…I can’t marry you.”

“I know.” He said, thinking he understood why “I broke kosher law.” 

_Oh Hershel._

“No it’s not you or God it’s...” Oh God give me strength “…me……I’m gay.” She said, completely devastated by the impending doom she was leaning into.

“You’re gay?” Hershel smiled in confusion.

Sydney nodded, not able to say anything else at the moment.

She gave him time to process the information, witnessing his change of expression from confusion to, understandably, anger.

“Ahm, who knows about this?”

“Just you...Uh Maggie.”

“Oh, what does Maggie know…Maggie knows?...And you and her?” He insinuated, suddenly realizing he had been incredibly naïve.

“Hershel…” Sydney begged, definitely not wanting to talk about Maggie right now. She just wanted the pain to go away, for Hershel to stop looking at her as if she was a monster.

“What am I going to tell my parents? What am I doing to tell the rabbi?” He demanded, now only thinking about the consequences of breaking off the engagement.

“I don’t know.”

She really didn’t. Her heart felt like it was going to implode if she didn’t let out all of what she was feeling.

“I’m sorry. I just know that I can’t be part of our community and still be me.”

“And you were mad about the bacon? …Aren’t you scared?” He managed to ask through his teeth.

“Yeah, but I’m more scared of the life I’ll have if I stay.” She confessed, the burden that has been on her back for so long slightly lighter now.

“Then I think you should leave.” He said.

“What?”

How could he be so unfeeling? It was not as if she purposely chose to be gay. He, on the other hand, was completely fine by ending their engagement over a mistake he chose to make.

“I’d like you to leave.” Hershel repeated.

“Well…no I…”

“Just…go.” He insisted. ”Please. Leave.”

Sydney faced yet another harsh truth: that she couldn’t count on Hershel’s support.  
She was all alone now.

\----

Back on the exact same bed she had been barely 10 minutes ago, Sydney got her iPhone out and browsed through her contacts, only to find the one that made her realize she was not alone after all.

 **S: Where are you?  
** M: I am currently on the east corridor of the 2nd floor, being hit on by an elderly man on a wheelchair. Is everything all right?  
Sydney laughed.  
**S: Can you ditch the old guy? I just came out to my ex-fiancée. Call-room. Could use a bad hugger.  
M: On my way.**

The pained doctor smiled. She still had Maggie. 

\----

“You really have that classic beauty about you.” Said Joe, an elderly man on a wheelchair that Maggie had committed the mistake to smile at as she passed by.

“Thank you Joe. But I’m not sure your wife would like to-“

Her iPhone buzzes, interrupting her mid-sentence. It was Sydney.  
She messaged her right back, sensing something might be wrong.  
The second text didn't take long to arrive.  
Maggie read it with an increasing sense of happyness overcoming her.

_Holy shit! She did it!_

She started walking in the direction of the call room, feeling weirdly satisfied.

_You are happy for Sydney. That is all. Now go and be a good friend._

“Where are you going young nurse?” Asked Joe, not happy to be left behind.

“I’m a doctor!” Maggie yelled back “And I’ve got a patient to tend for.” She lied.

_My nose probably just twitched._

\----

“Maggie what am I doing?” Sydney asked as, barely 2 minutes later, Maggie sits down by her side.

With a small, proud smile on her face, Maggie is quick to answer:

“You’re following your heart.”

“Feels like I’m free-falling.” Sydney says, visibly unsure of what to do now with her life.

“Oh I know the feeling.” Maggie offered, thinking about what she’s been through the past year.

“What do I do know?” Asks Sydney in the most vulnerable voice Maggie has witnessed coming from her.

“I dunno. Keep falling I guess.” She answers, purposely glancing at Sydney as she says it. 

She wants to breach the subject of Sydney knowing too much about her so badly, but she can’t. Not now. 

“Am I going to be okay?”

“You’re going to be fine.” Maggie assured her in the softest way possible, putting her hand over Sydney’s.

“Your nose just twitched.” Sydney points out.

 _Oh my god could you be more adorable._ Maggie thinks as she smiles.

Sydney lowers her head in defeat. She’s falling hard for Maggie in the worst of times.  
The brunette takes her hand from Sydney’s and places it on her back instead, rubbing it slowly and eventually bringing her into a hug. It’s anything but comfortable, given that they’re both sitting on the bunk bed, but it is everything Sydney needs right now and so they stay like that until a doctor enters the call room to actually take a nap.


	7. 3x18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing of medical procedures or routines in the hospital, so I'm sorry if you notice small things that don't make sense, like their work schedules/hours and habits.

It’s been days since Sydney had come out to Hershel and she was coping with the whole thing way better than she had expected. Truth be told, she hadn’t come out to anyone else in the community or even her own family, but right now what really mattered was that she was out of the engagement and would not put herself in that situation ever again.  
She got a shower of telephone calls from her family and friends, but all she said was that she and Hershel would not get married due to a conflict of interests.  
That got her into enough trouble with her mother, but to be fair, as long as she could avoid the family meetings until she was ready, it would be fine. Until then, she’d enjoy her new freedom the best she could. She could deal with her family later on. 

She woke up one day feeling like she owned nothing to no one, and she begun changing little things about her habits. If her religion didn’t like her for what she was, then she could very well close her eyes to a couple of the most conservative traditions, and one of them was renewing her whole wardrobe. Bit by bit, she’d get rid of the dark, somber clothing and try for more carefree and revealing pieces. 

Today was the board’s exams day and Sydney knew she wouldn’t get a chance to see Maggie before they started to wish her good luck. She still decided on the formal skirt she had recently acquired, figuring it was a good day to test-drive it since there could be celebrations tonight.  
She also wanted to look good for another reason that she didn’t want to consider right now.

 _Ugh, Syd. You’re in deep._  
She hushed her thoughts and tried to remember the last time she wore something that revealed her knees. She failed miserably.  
Her phone buzzed from the end of Sydney’s bed. She picked it up and read the text from Maggie:

**M: Might die due to anxiety today.**

Sydney smiled at her phone. 

**S: I was going to wish you good luck but I’m pretty sure you’ll nail it.**

**M: Not so sure about the nailing it part anymore. But thanks.**

**S: Are you questioning your direct superior?**

**M: It wouldn’t be the first time.**

**S: Remember what I told you about your attitude. You’ll thank me later.**

**M: Sorry. You’re right. It’s the nerves talking. Got to go x**

Sydney stared a little too much at that little ‘x’ on the end of the text message.  
Her phone buzzed again.

**M: P.S: If by any chance I pass, drinks are on me tonight.  
** **M: Your people drink alcohol right?  
**M: Sorry, that was rude. Going now.** **

Sydney laughed but did not answer. Maggie had other things to focus on right now than the Jewish controversial restrictions on alcohol consumption.

\----

It wasn’t even 10am and two people had already approved of Sydney's recent change of attire. This liberating feeling had to be temporary. It felt too good to be a lasting thing. But then she figured, as long as she was true to herself, it’d last longer than complying with ancient rules that did not take her value into account. She did everything right to her community all of her life, and what did it give back to her? Shackles, insecurities, doubts. And so it was time to step away, without changing the most important fact – that she still loved God no matter what. 

\----

Katz was taking her afternoon break when she got paged– Alex was in labor on her way to Zion and Maggie was with her.  
A sudden wave of worry took over her. She wasn’t concerned because Maggie was taking care of the birth, but because she knew the board’s oral examinations weren’t finished yet. Maggie had very likely sacrificed her exams to help giving birth to Alex’s baby.  
She quickly scrolled through her phone contacts and found the one she needed, Paul Zimmerman, a colleague of hers whom she knew was working directly under one of the board’s examiners.

“Zimmerman.”  
“Hey, Paul, it’s Katz.”  
“Heey! Long time no see. How’s life treating you?”  
“No time for a chat Paul, I’m sorry, it’s urgent. Are you at the board’s?” She asked.  
“Yeah, almost finished here. What do you need?”  
“Can you reach me Dr. Simmons?”  
“Geez, they’re in the middle of the orals, Katz.” He said, unsure.  
“Paul, two doctors had to leave because one of them got into labor, and I have to get the other one a chance to finish the exam.”  
“Okay, I’ll see what I can do, don’t hang up.”

After a couple of minutes, Sydney got what she wanted. Simmons was on the line and had agreed to her request of giving Lin a second chance at the final orals question.  
It wasn't easy convincing Dr. Simmons, but he knew about her work and took her reputation into account. All she needed was for the ambulance to arrive ASAP, and for Maggie not to let her down, because if Maggie failed, it would be bad for both of them.

\----

“Okay, hold on.” Sydney said as she spotted Alex arriving with Maggie.

“How are you feeling Alex?” She asked right away.

“I’m okay” 

“Isn’t he cute and smart looking?” Asked Shahir, completely engrossed by the baby.

“Hm, once they’re born I don’t really care anymore.” Sydney said, and then she proceeded to give out orders so that everything was under control until she could meet them in the delivery room.

“Maggie, freeze.” She ordered.

Maggie snapped out of her “I just delivered a baby!” trance and turned to face Sydney.  
She promptly answered all of Sydney’s questions regarding the procedure, knowing she was just making sure everything was done properly. If she had asked her a few weeks ago she might’ve answered in a different fashion but this wasn’t a normal rounds question and she was actually thrilled to be able to give a full detailed explanation of what she had just accomplished. She was proud of herself and wanted Sydney to feel the same way.

“Okay, thanks.” Sydney said to her cellphone.

“What was that?” Asked a confused Maggie.

Sydney made a big effort not to crack a smile right away.

“Your final board’s question. And you passed.”

_Oh my god._

“Congratulations Dr. Lin.” Sydney said, fully smiling now. She was so proud and happy that she actually giggled as she left a stupefied Maggie behind. 

“Thank you thank you…” Maggie said to an already fleeting Sydney. If she wasn't in such a hurry she'd tackle her into a hug right there in the emergency corridor.

_Oh my god. I passed. I am a doctor._

“Oh god…YESS!!!!” Maggie yelled out of pure happiness.

She threw her fist in the air, randomly laughed out of shock and eventually tried to calm herself as she sat down in the cafeteria. Great… She was crying tears of happiness now.

_God I’m a wreck._

A tea and a muffin was all she needed to stabilize a bit and process what had just happened.  
What a day. She had both delivered a baby and passed her boards.

_All thanks to Sydney._

How in the hell did she managed that? She must’ve had some contacts within the examiners. The fact that Sydney went to great lengths to make sure she passed made her emotional again. 

_Oh my god what if I had given the wrong answer or made some silly remark instead?_

Sydney's blind confidence in her made her feel even more accomplished.

_Once she takes care of Alex I’m making sure I thank her properly._

But as everything else in life, that bloating feeling of happiness was just temporary.  
She soon got the news that Joel was dead. Shock, confusion and then grief immediately took over her. Everything around her turned grey and meaningless. She might’ve bumped into people on her way to Alex’s room but she felt nothing. She had to be there for her in the very least, and try to be the strong one in order to give Alex all the support she could give. 

\----

After having tended to Alex and made sure everything was all right, Sydney let her rest and enjoy her time alone with the baby and Charlie.  
She took the opportunity to get back to her routine paper work before leaving for the day.  
Roughly half an hour later, she started to wonder if there was going to be some kind of celebration tonight after all. Maggie hadn’t said anything to her so far, so, assuming she was just too exhausted for any kind of party, Sydney picked up her jacket from her locker. As she was putting it on, her phone started beeping with an incoming call. It was Zimmerman.

“Hey, Paul.” She greeted him with a smile he couldn’t see.

“Hey, Katz. Don’t worry; I’m not calling to ask for compensation. Yet.” He said in full teasing mode. 

Sydney liked Paul. He was very easy going, a bit of an opposite of Sydney of sorts. They got along well in Med School somehow. But different work hours made it hard for them to truly reconnect after all those years.

“Good, because I haven’t even thanked you yet.” She pointed out.

“I know. Guess where I am?” He asked.

“Don’t tell me, Zion?” She guessed.

“Yeah, had an opportunity and took it. Come down to the cafeteria and pay me a coffee.”

“I thought you weren’t asking for compensation yet.”

“It’s a coffee, woman. You can’t be that ungrateful to think that’s what I want as compensation”. He countered.

“Fine. I’ll be right down.” 

\----

“Looking good, Katz.” Paul said, eyeing her up and down.

“Don’t even try, Paul.” Sydney said, misjudging his attitude for flirting. The last thing she needed was to give him the wrong idea.

“Can’t a guy just be nice? Plus, you must’ve been the only med student who didn’t know I was gay.” He said, inviting her to sit down with him.

“You never told me.” She protested, suddenly putting the pieces together and seeing they fit. Of course he was gay. She had just been too engulfed in the books to even notice what was going on around her during those studying years.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t really have the need to tell. It was pretty obvious. Either way, I’m here for the free coffee and hopefully a pleasant talk. I’m also curious to know this brilliant doctor who got a second chance at her orals.” He said, eyeing Sydney with a quizzical look.

Sydney was about to retort when she noticed Zach passing by. He looked numb and detached.

“Dr. Miller, is everything alright?” She asked, catching his attention.

“Joel. He’s …he’s dead.” He simply said.

“What? How? What happened?” Sydney asked, completely forgetting about Paul and suddenly getting up. 

“The military accident we were trying to help with. I just…I got to go.” He said, leaving a worried Sydney behind.

_Oh my god. Alex. Maggie._

She immediately got her phone out of her pocket and started to call Maggie, but then chose against it. Did Maggie really want her comfort right now? Surely there was someone closer to her that she preferred to be with.

“I’m so sorry. Was he close to you?” Paul eventually asked.

Sydney realized she had forgotten about him. She sat down again.

“Not really. But to some of my colleagues, yes. I’m kind of new here.” She explained, still shocked by the news.

“I see. But if you prefer we could postpone the coffee just in case.” He politely offered.

“I…” Sydney wasn’t sure of what to say, and was thankful to be interrupted by her phone again. It was a text from Maggie.

“Sorry I have to answer this.” Sydney said. Paul nodded silently.

**M: Have you left for the day already?  
** **S: No. Where are you?  
** **M: Call-room. Joel’s dead.  
**S: I just heard Maggie. I’m so sorry. I’ll be right there, okay?  
M: Yes. Please. ** **

“I actually have to go.” Sydney said as she rose from the chair.

“I understand. Don’t be a stranger though.” Paul said.

“I won’t. Thank you.” Sydney said and quickly made her way upstairs.

\----

She found Maggie lying curled up on the furthest bed from the door.

“I’m so sorry, Maggie.” Sydney said as she sat down by her side.

Maggie wasn’t crying, Sydney noticed as the brunette shifted her position in the bunk bed and was now lying on her back, facing her.  
Her sad look and pout was the most painful thing Sydney has ever seen though.  
She extended her hand to rest on Maggie’s lower arm, her thumb drawing slow patterns on her warm skin.

“He’s gone forever Syd.” Maggie said, looking down to where Sydney’s hand was slowly massaging her skin. She grabbed her hand and played a bit with her fingers, finally setting their joined hands on the bed.

Sydney had nothing to say about that. What else could she add to make her feel better? Nothing really. She was left with actions only. So she threw caution to the wind and softly nudged Maggie, letting her know she wanted to lay down by her side.  
Maggie gave her enough space and as soon as Sydney was occupying the bed, Maggie turned to her side, both of them facing each other.  
Sydney softly wiped Maggie’s cheeks with her thumb, having found some lost tears there. Maggie closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the small gesture. As she felt the sudden loss of contact, Maggie closed the already small distance between them, her arm going over Sydney’s form. The shorter woman adjusted her position, so she was the one lying on her back. Maggie’s arm rested over Syd’s lower chest, with Sydney’s right arm covering it gently.

“Thank you.” Maggie whispered into Sydney’s neck.

A couple minutes later they both fell asleep.


	8. Parachute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just the beginning ya'll.

Sydney woke up to the sound of snoring. She tilted her head in the direction of the offending noise and vaguely recognized a nurse sleeping two bunk beds away from her.

_Crap._

She then tried to move but Maggie was sleeping partially over her. 

_Right. Forgot about that._

Her left arm felt sore from the weight of Maggie’s head, but she found she could move her forearm just fine, so until she could decide what to do, Sydney closed her eyes again and mindlessly begun caressing Maggie’s hair.  
Thinking was a hard task to do in her current position though, she noticed. Maggie’s even breaths on her neck were distracting, as was her warm arm draping dangerously close to her chest.  
Sydney figured she couldn’t get more trapped until Maggie moved unconsciously in her sleep and eventually threw her right leg over her too.

_Oh no. No no no.  
God help me._

\----

Maggie woke up to the gentle feeling of someone playing with her hair. She recognized Sydney’s discrete perfume and instantly remembered how she had fallen asleep. 

_Joel is gone._

The pain from yesterday was still present in her heart.  
Maggie wondered what time it was. She should go home and enjoy the free days she had ahead of her and take some rest and grieve.

Something besides Sydney’s gentle caressing distracted her from her thoughts: someone else was in the call-room, and snoring pretty loudly.

_Shit, someone else is here?_

Maggie’s saddened heart melted a little at the thought that Sydney was awake and not making a move to leave her alone, even if there was someone else who had invaded their intimate moment.  
She’d imagined Sydney would freak out and leave as soon as she noticed someone saw them together in a bunk bed. But so far she didn’t look like moving anytime soon.  
Maggie decided to enjoy this moment while it lasted, since it was the only thing making her feel remotely better after the devastating news of the day before. 

She shifted closer to Sydney, still pretending to be asleep, and threw her leg over her.  
She sensed Sydney’s sharp intake of breath and combined all of her efforts to not break her façade.

_You are enjoying this a little too much, Maggie._

\----

“You are a great pillow.” the brunette eventually said, taking Sydney out of her misery.

“Tell me you were not awake all this time.” Sydney said with a threatening voice, her eyes still closed.

Maggie laughed and took her leg off Sydney’s, keeping the embrace of their upper bodies intact.

“No comments.” Maggie said after a few second’s pause. Sydney opened her eyes and looked down at Maggie’s head.

“You know, for such a stiff hugger, you sure like to cuddle.” She observed.

_Oh, flirting, are we? Maggie thought, completely delighted._

She raised herself from the embrace, propping her left elbow as support and resting her head on her hand, now able to fully stare down at Sydney.  
Her right hand started drawing circles on the other's stomach.  
She’d never get tired of having the power to make Sydney fluster that much.

“It depends on the company.” Maggie eventually said, trying to keep her voice down. The last thing she wanted was for this small moment of bliss to be interrupted.

Sydney swallowed hard for many reasons: a) What Maggie’s hand was doing b) What Maggie’s voice was doing c) What Maggie’s eyes were doing.

“Maggie, what are we doing?” Sydney asked, desperately needing to know so that she could decide on her actions. She couldn’t bear it if she was reading the signs wrong.

“Falling.” Maggie simply said, starting to dip her head towards Sydney’s neck with the intention to kiss her right at the spot where she had rested her head for the past few hours.

She took her time in case Sydney wanted to stop her, but she didn’t, and so her lips finally touched the other woman’s blushing skin, not stopping until its trail reached her jaw.

“This is not the best moment and place.” Sydney managed to say between hitched breaths.

“Ugh, we never have those. Let’s take what we can right now.” Maggie reasoned, going for Sydney’s earlobe now.

\----

A few seconds later, a loud beeping filled the call-room and caused a burst of loud snores from the sleeping nurse. He eventually got up abruptly and looked around, confused.  
He spotted two doctors sharing a bunk bed on other side of the room looking back at him as if caught in the act. He completely ignored the awkwardness of the situation, too tired to judge, and asked:

“Was that my pager or yours?”

The brunette one reached for her phone, muttered ‘shit’ and possibly the name ‘Alex’ and then said:

“It’s mine, sorry.”

He nodded and went back to sleep.


	9. Downplay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The format of this fanfic has changed so much I probably should've separate it in two different ones (pre-finale and post-finale). But I am too lazy for that now.
> 
> Besides, I think it helps with the slow-burn. Let me know what you think.

Maggie’s attitude seemed like it was killing Sydney’s synapses at an alarming rate.  
Once she said “Depends on the company” and she started massaging her stomach, Syd knew she was rendered useless.  
A lingering doubt still resided in her mind, and she had to make sure whatever Maggie was doing was for real. Sydney was a free woman, as was Maggie, and they were dangerously crossing over the already blurred friend’s line without talking about it, and she couldn’t take it if this was just Maggie having some fun. 

“Maggie, what are we doing?”

“Falling.” She answered softly.

_Ok, not specific enough-_

Then she felt Maggie’s lips on her neck.

_Nevermind._

Maggie kept going up distributing small pecks, her hand mimicking the ascension, almost reaching Sydney’s chest.  
A random snore came from the other side of the room.

“This is not the best moment or place.” Sydney reminded them both, finding it was difficult to breathe and talk at the same time.

Maggie mumbled something Katz did not fully understand and then Alex managed to interrupt the moment by texting Maggie and waking up the other user of the room.

“Shit, it’s Alex. She’s up.” Maggie informed.

Sydney found she could breathe again. _Sort of._

“You should go to her.” She said, after Maggie informed the other nurse he could keep on sleeping.

“I know.” Maggie agreed, fully breaking their embrace. She kissed Sydney’s cheek before she left with: “To be continued. This is not nothing.”

\----

It’s been a week since Joel’s death.  
Sydney hadn’t heard much from Maggie or Alex after she got discharged from the hospital care. From what Maggie had told her a few days ago, she was staying at home keeping Alex some company while Charlie was on duty.  
Whenever he visited, she’d call Sydney for drinks but their schedules never aligned, so they didn't manage to meet even once since their call room moment. _Perhaps it was for the best._ Maggie could take her time of grieving away from anything Zion related and at the same time provide the support Alex might be needing right now.

“It’s nice to finally meet your legs, Dr. Katz.” Said a familiar teasing voice from behind her.

Sydney, knowing full well who that voice belonged to, kept her eyes on the form she was filling at the nurse’s stations, her shy smile and blushing face showing the comment did not go unnoticed. It was good to know that her new habit of wearing shorter skirts appealed to Maggie.

“Good morning Dr. Lin.” She greeted, in what she hoped was a professional enough tone.

Maggie didn’t say anything for a few seconds. A sudden sound of a photograph being taken diverted Sydney’s attention.

“What – are you doing?” Asked a perplexed Sydney, finally turning around to face Maggie.

“Saving your legs as my background picture.” The other casually informed, clicking away on her phone and showing off her handiwork to the now apparently offended doctor.

“That could be easily labeled as sexual harassment.” Sydney informed, her blushing getting even more intense.

“It could be. If it were one-sided. But by the color on your face I’d say that’s not the case.” Maggie teased, joining Sydney at the counter, as if challenging her.

“That is the face of a very angry doctor.” Sydney lied. Apparently a week had not been enough time to make her ready to handle Maggie after what happened in the call room.

“No…that is the face of a very flustered Sydney Katz.” Countered Maggie in a sing-song voice. ”Believe me, I’ve seen it before.” She added, her eyebrows going up and down on a swift motion.

After their little moment last week and realizing they were both free agents without any real obstacles in their way, Maggie had decided she had to step up her game to make sure Sydney wouldn't doubt for one second what her intentions were.

Sydney’s bashful smile made another appearance and Maggie’s heart felt funny as she marveled at how contagious it was.

“It’s good to have you back, Dr.” Sydney said, finally meeting her eyes.

Maggie remembered she still owed Katz for being able to have a second chance at the board’s orals.

“Are you free anytime soon? I’d like to thank you for making it possible for me to pass the exams.”

The idea of spending time alone with Maggie made her feel excitingly nervous. She wanted it so badly, especially now that they had somehow stepped into something more than just friendship. But her stupid mouth was faster than her mind:

“The credit is all yours, you answered everything right.” She said, scratching the back of her neck and focusing back again on her form.

“I knew you’d do that.” Maggie said, gaining Sydney’s attention again.

“Do what?” She asked.

“Downplay what you did.” Maggie explained.

“You deserved to pass; I just made sure you’d get the shot everybody else had.” Sydney insisted, sensing Maggie’s slow invasion of her personal space, pretending to also be interested on the form Sydney was trying to finish writing.

“Hu-hum. Nothing you wouldn’t do for everyone else, then?” Maggie asked practically into Sydney’s right ear.

“Well…” Sydney started, Maggie’s closeness making it hard to keep her breathing stable.

“Just like telling your ex-fiancée all about my weird little habits. You do that about all of your friends, right?” Maggie added in a whisper.

 _She knows. I’m completely at her mercy._ Sydney thought, her heart skipping a beat.

“Can I take that now?” Asked one of the nurses, pointing at the form Sydney had stop writing for a while now.

“Oh uh, I’ll need another blank one.” Sydney said towards the non-amused nurse, noticing half of what she wrote down was just random gibberish.

Maggie saw it and grabbed the form before Sydney could throw it to the garbage bin.

“Patient showed signs of mmmmmmmmnn? Sounds serious.” Maggie teased.

“Stop it, before I let half the hospital know you’re a cuddler.” Sydney warned.

 _Two can play this game._ Sydney told herself, remembering Maggie might be as whipped as she was, she just happened to disguise it better.

“I’m sure our audience last week already spread the news.” Maggie swiftly countered “You’ve got nothing on me, Katz.” 

“Really? Last time I checked, my legs were on your phone.”

“Touché.” Maggie said with a proud smile. Making Sydney blush was highly satisfying but there was nothing like their full-on banter.

\----

“I might be completely wrong, but I think I’ve seen those legs before.” Dr. Dey said as he noticed the picture on Maggie’s cellphone.

“You are correct. Those happen to be Dr. Katz’s.” Maggie joyfully admitted as they put their cafeteria trays down at an empty table.

“You mean, our dinner date last minute’s guest?” He joked.

“Yeah, about that, it's a long story.” 

“I’ve heard that before.” 

“Yeah. Hum. We’re sort of involved now.” She said, figuring it was better to just let it out in the open. Besides, whatever she and Dey had, she was sure it was merely physical and no feelings would be hurt.

“I did sense something was up between you two at the restaurant.”

“You are a very good man.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Any other one who was looking for some fun would’ve probably be offended for being putting aside the way you were.”

“You never promised me anything.”

“See? That’s why you’re a good man.”

“Stop saying that, it makes me feel less macho." He joked "Speaking of which-“

“Yeah yeah, we would’ve hooked up if it wasn’t for her. Nothing serious though. Does that heal your ego?” She asked.

Dey smiled, shook his head in disbelief at her straightforwardness and started tending to his coffee. Maggie’s phone beeped.

**  
S: I’m free tonight.**

**M: Really? That’s funny. Me too.**

**S: Want to go out to dinner?**

**M: What, like, together?**

**S: You’re not going to make this easy for me are you?**

**M: Nope.**

**S: Maggie something Lin, will you go on a date with me?**

**M: It depends, what does it include?**

**S: Dinner, desert, coffee, split-bill, probable make out session on the back of a cab, and a goodnight kiss.**

Maggie considered the offer for a second.

**M: Two goodnight kisses.**

**S: That’s a bit far-fetched.**

**M: We’ll see. Let me know once you’re done for the day, Dr. Katz.**

**S: Will do, Dr. Lin.**

\----


	10. Funny business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly short, but as usual, will make up for it with the next ones ;)

“So I just gave her a gift certificate for Crab Shack.” Sydney said to her phone, as she stirred her second coffee of the day.

“After you made out with her? That’s cold, Katz.” Zimmerman commented on the other side of the phone call.

“I know. It sounded like a good idea at the time.” Sydney lamely said.

Katz proceeded to tell the rest of the events that followed, including Hershel’s admission to the hospital and the proceeding break-up; Joel’s death and their moment in the call room.

“Maggie sounds like a winner to me.” Paul stated.

“Yes. She is incredible, Paul.” Sydney admitted, smiling at the now empty cup of coffee.

“No wonder you practically threatened Simmons for a second chance at the orals.”

“I did not threaten him. And she deserved passing, it wasn’t just pure romantic impulse.”

“Okay, okay!”

“Anyway, she’s back now.” 

“Have you asked her out yet?” Paul asked.

“I…no.” 

“Why the hell not?”

“I’m not sure her feelings are as serious as mine. She’s…hard to read.”

“I’m sorry, but did I mishear something? By what you told me she was fine with kissing you. More than once!”

“She could just be experimenting, going with the flow, I don’t know. I couldn’t bear it.”

“You thought you couldn’t bear coming out to your ex-fiancée. Yet you did and here you are.”

“This is completely different.”

“Is it, though? Look, just answer me this, is she the kind of person who’d be unsure of her sexuality? Or someone who actually knows what she wants?”

Sydney hesitated for a second, but concluded it was the second option. If Maggie was anything, it was resolute and sure of herself.

“I get your point. I’ll ask her out.”

“You better. Before the handsome shrink tries his luck again.”~

Speaking of the devil: Dr. Dey had just entered the cafeteria with Maggie in tow. She discreetly rose up and went the opposite way.

“I’ll do it today, don’t worry. And thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You owe me two now.”´

“You’re charging for friendly advice? I’ll think twice before I call you again.”

“Nice talking to you too, Syd. Have a nice date, Syd.” Paul said in a mockery tone before hanging up.

Sydney smiled as she called the elevator, the phone still in her hand. As she entered the elevator with a couple of chatty doctors, she leaned into one of the walls and started hovering her fingers over the phone screen. Katz had decided to go forth with the date thing, but now feared Maggie would keep on with the teasing, especially after the flirting session earlier that day. She could deal with the hospital staff in emergency situations, but couldn’t find the strength to deal with Maggie.  
Then she remembered Maggie’s face as she had first kissed her out of the blue. If she had had the power to surprise Maggie back then, she’d sure as hell find a way to do the same again. That would give her back some leverage.  
She braced herself as she opened her messenger:

_Okay, let’s do this._

\----

Roughly five hours later, a distracted Maggie was putting on her jacket as a smiling Sydney approached her locker and leaned on it, facing her.

“Hey.” She greeted, already in her casual clothes.

“Hi!” Maggie smiled back. “You haven’t told me where we were going yet, should I be worried?”

“Not really, unless there’s something else you’re sort of allergic to.” Sydney teased with a quirked eyebrow.

Maggie scrunched her face in self-loathing.

“I deserved that.” She said as she closed her locker and mimicked Sydney’s posture, their faces closer to each other now.

“Hum, yeah, you did.” Sydney agreed. “But I was the one being daft, so it was justified.”

Maggie was pleased they had addressed this subject, though in all honesty she had forgotten it all by now.

“Why the sudden walk down memory lane?” She asked.

“Well I – I guess…I- was talking about you to a friend of mine and-“ 

“You tend to do that.” Maggie interrupted, smiling.

Sydney’s face begun to blush.

“And I love it.” Maggie added, catching Sydney’s blazer with her right hand and pulling her closer.

A couple of nurses walked by them, not noticing their intimate chat but pulling them back to reality nevertheless.

“So uh, I was thinking we’d just go for a simple take-out and a movie instead, my place?” Sydney suggested, scratching her neck.

As Maggie suggestively raised her eyebrows, Sydney added:

“Easy there, tiger. It’s just that it’s a workday tomorrow and something more laid ba-“

“It sounds perfect, Dr. Katz.” Maggie interrupted her, starting to walk along with Sydney down the hall. “And I promise I won’t try any funny business.” She added.

“We’ll see about that.”


	11. Coy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly sorry if I got the alcohol thing wrong, regarding the Orthodox Jewish religion. Please let me know if that's the case and correct me.  
> I made some online research but you can never trust those, now, can you?

The idea of going to her place instead was not a planned suggestion. But the moment Maggie attempted to get closer to her and they got interrupted again by passers-by, Sydney decided she had reached her limit of patience when it came to being with Maggie in public places.

After all they’ve been through, an ideal date for them would be somewhere private, at last. Obviously that raised the chances of them ending up having sex by 75%, but as long as Maggie did what she promised, Sydney would have no problems restraining herself. Or so she thought.

For some reason the sex-before marriage sin still mattered a great deal to her, in theory.  
She had put aside marriage with men; surely she could get over this one too. But to which point was it not selfish of her to break that law? One thing was rejecting a tradition that went against her own identity; another one was intentionally breaking a law just for pleasurable purposes.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Asked Maggie, as Sydney silently drove them through the rush hour traffic.

“We can’t have sex.” Sydney bluntly answered.

“Okayy…” Maggie said after taking some seconds to process the information. “On a scale to revealing your shoulders to eating bacon, how sacrilegious is it?”

“I’m serious, Maggie. No sex.” Sydney insisted, trying to convince herself too.

“Bummer.” Maggie said, though she was displaying an amused grin on her face.

Sydney noticed it.

“What?” She asked.

“Well, it’s not that I was expecting anything from you this early on. I did promise I wouldn’t try any funny business.” Maggie reminded her “It’s still interesting to know you were thinking about it. Deeply.” 

Sydney cleared her throat and said nothing. 

Suddenly taking Maggie to her apartment wasn’t sounding like such a great idea now. 

“And no teasing either. It doesn’t help.” Sydney added after a while, though her tone suggested she wasn’t serious about it.

“Okay. I’ll be good.” Maggie promised.

She wasn’t worried about Sydney’s request. If anything, it only proved something was going to happen tonight – but it was going to be Sydney the one to initiate it. And if her suspicions were right, Maggie couldn’t wait for that to happen and get the chance to play coy.

\----

After a small tour to Sydney’s one-bedroom apartment, Maggie and the shorter woman found themselves enjoying their take-out dinner at the kitchen counter, accompanied by a nice wine Sydney had saved for Jewish festivities.

“Ok so, wine is an essential part of some of our holidays and traditions, but we are still told about its intoxicating and destructive powers.” Sydney informed Maggie, after she had politely asked her what her people’s views on alcohol consumption were.

“As long as you drink responsibly, you’re fine, then?” Maggie asked.

“Basically, yes.” Sydney nodded.

A comfortable silence settled between them as they finished their meals. 

As they started to clean up with the usual awkward bumps due to half the people not being acquainted with the kitchen, they discussed which movie they’d watch.

“There’s this new one by Wes Anderson I’ve been wanting to see.” Maggie suggested, as she looked for the garbage bin.

“Behind the door under the sink.” Sydney read her mind. “The Grand Budapest Hotel?” 

“That’s the one. I hear it’s funny and has a great soundtrack.” Maggie said as she threw the take out cartons into the bin.

“His movies always have a great soundtrack.” Sydney pointed out. 

“Oh, we have ourselves a music lover.” Maggie said, pleased to learn something new about Sydney “Wait, was that categorized as teasing?” She mocked, placing her hand over her chest in an exaggerated ‘I’m truly sorry’ fashion.

Sydney snapped the kitchen towel in Maggie’s direction, almost hitting her, which produced an adorable laugh from the brunette.

“We can watch that one; I haven’t had the time to watch it yet.” Sydney eventually said.

“Great!” Maggie smiled. 

\----

They sat down at the living room couch, silently agreeing to sit as close as possible to each other.  
As Sydney browsed through her television menu looking for the film, slightly inclined towards the electronic device, Maggie took the chance to casually drape her left arm over the couch. Sydney leaned back after she found the movie and clicked play, silently adjusting her position so she’d fit into Maggie’s embrace without saying a word.

The taller doctor smiled as she looked down and found out Sydney looked positively happy and content. It was rare to witness that look on Syd’s face - having in mind they barely had a break during the past month – and Maggie being the cause of that made everything 100% better.

The movie went on with many side-comments and laughs from both of them. Maggie’s hand was at one point playing peacefully with Sydney’s loosened hair, until the red-head found it too distracting and opted to raise her right hand and claps it together with Maggie’s. It didn’t help with the distraction after all, but it would at least stop Maggie’s hand from wondering into more sensitive regions of her body - which reminded Sydney of their sleepy moment in the call room, and fully dragged her thoughts away from the movie for many minutes, until Maggie spoke:

“Is that…?” She asked with her head slightly tilted to the side, pointing at the television screen. 

Sydney looked in time to witness the Lobby Boy finishing switching one painting with a new one on the wall, the latter clearly showcasing two women pleasuring each other. The painting itself was horrendous but the meaning was obvious and did not help Sydney’s case of self-control.

“Uh. Yeah. It is that.” Sydney agreed, clearing her throat, thoughts of her and Maggie in the same situation fogging her mind.

“Interesting.” Said Maggie.

“It was an awful painting.” Sydney managed to point out.

“Yes. But I was referring to the uh, position they well, never mind.” Maggie said, not wanting to get into dangerous territory. 

The tension in the living room was palpable now – if it wasn’t for the movie soundtrack and character’s voices, it would certainly be impossible for them to remain as still as they were in the couch.

Sydney eventually let go of Maggie’s hand with the excuse of cleaning her glasses and as an instinct the brunette used her now free one to scratch her neck. 

Maggie observed Sydney’s movements and noticed that, after finishing with her glasses, she proceeded to place them on the coffee table in front of them.

“Won’t your eyes get tired?” Asked Maggie, being genuinely innocent.

“The glasses are actually a nuisance for what I’m about to do.” Sydney answered, turning herself to Maggie, her hands cupping her surprised face.

“I thought-“Maggie started to say, a smile forming on her lips.

“Oh shut it, Maggie.” Sydney demanded, milliseconds before capturing the other’s lips with her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably as much as a tease as Maggie is. Sorry not sorry.


	12. Unholy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incredibly short but hopefully sweet.

Maggie was trying to keep her hands well-behaved as their kisses deepened but as Sydney rose up briefly to take off her own shirt, Maggie knew she had just gained permission to change gears. She took in Sydney's pale form, randomly sprinkled with freckles, and gently pulled her back down for a hungry kiss.  
As Maggie's hands slowly explored the now exposed lower back and a soft and almost imperceptible moan escaped Sydney's lips, the brunette was called back to reality for a second and, with some difficulty from her part, pulled back from the kiss:

"Wait wait wait-"

Sydney did not move an inch from their entangled embrace as she asked:

"What's wrong Maggie?"

"I recall 3 hours ago you saying there would be no sex tonight." Maggie was not playing coy, she was serious now.

"I'm a grown woman, I can change my mind."

"Not this fast, not when sex is considered unholy when outside of _kidd_ -" Maggie stopped herself before using the term _kiddushin_ (marriage).

Sydney skipped a beat.

"I don't recall telling you that."

"You said it-in the car on the way here."

"No no no, I wasn't that specific. I just said no sex."

Maggie bit her lip. She might've spent a couple of hours researching about Orthodox Jewish views.

Sydney squinted her eyes at Maggie, and then said:

"Have you been studying my religion?"

"Might have." Maggie answered, trying to shrug the importance of that fact away.

Sydney smiled.

"You're sweet." She said, caressing Maggie's hair.

"I really just googled some stuff." Maggie said, shrugging.

"Uh uhm." Sydney agreed ceptically, not buying it.

Maggie's stubborn smile finally broke free. There was no use denying it, she was in deep for Sydney and it would be futile trying to hide it.

"So you might've noticed..." Sydney started to whisper as she begun closing their distance again "That even if it's regarded as unholy, it's still nevertheless not prohibited" She pointed out.

"I see. And you're fine with that now?" Now Maggie was playing innocent.

"Yeah back in the car I was just trying to convince myself really. Kinda pointless now that I think of it." Sydney admitted, starting to give small pecks down Maggie's neck.

"I uh, great." Maggie incoherently said, trying to shove her nervousness away.

Sydney sensed Maggie's hesitation on her voice and pulled back again.

"Is this possible? Is Dr. Maggie Lin actually nervous?" She teased.

Sydney's provocation helped Maggie regain some confidence.

"Why should I be? I spent a whole night studying the female anatomy to make those cupcakes. I'm gonna ace this."

Sydney laughed. She saw right through Maggie's bravado; seeing her this nervous about this situation was adorable.

"No pressure or anything, but I have been waiting 27 years for this moment, so I'm expecting something great." 

"Oh my god, way to make a girl nervous." Maggie said as she turned as stiff as in the moment they had first hugged.

"Relax Maggie, I'll guide you through it. Years of experience in OB/GYN and all."

"Or maybe you just want to be my boss again." 

"Also that." Sydney played along as she kissed Maggie on her lips. 

This time they didn't broke it off until 5 minutes later, when both of them clumsily rose from the sofa and made their way to Sydney's bedroom, bumping into the coffee table in the process.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I've never re-written a fan-fiction these many times before.  
> This pairing is very special to me and I'm afraid I won't do them justice.
> 
> Let me know what you think, any constructive criticism is more than welcome :)


End file.
